The Gifts of Imperfection
Dec 04, 2021
I am currently reading Brene Brown’s novel The Gifts of Imperfection. Brene Brown is a well-known researcher on the topic of vulnerability. Watch Brene Brown’s “The power of vulnerability” Ted talk on YouTube, to become captivated by her insights in this field of research.
I love the following quote by Brene. After reading this quote, take some time to reflect on your own vulnerability journey:
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experience that makes us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene talks about living wholeheartedly, which is living from a place of internal worthiness. And what does it take to cultivate such worthiness you may ask? It takes courage, compassion and connection.
Courage
Brene’s definition of courage: The ability to speak your truth by honestly and openly voicing your thoughts and opinions, expressing how you’re feeling, and being open about your life experiences, however favorable or unfavorable.
Not speaking our truth can create disconnect in our relationships. Showing courage has a ripple affect, that by the act of choosing to be courageous it gives others the permission to do the same.
Compassion
The novel quotes Pema Chödrön, an American Tibetan Buddhist, about what it means to be compassionate.
“In cultivating compassion we draw from the wholeness of our experience – our suffering, our empathy, as well as our cruelty and terror. It has to be this way. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we known our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
This is a beautifully worded explanation of compassion. We must first learn to accept ourselves, our stories from all the suffering and pain to all the happiness and joy. Once we are able to do so, we can then begin to accept others thus allowing us to become more compassionate. It can be difficult to accept those who have hurt or taken advantage of us, so Brene mentions that when we do practice compassion, we also learn to set boundaries and hold people accountable for their behaviours.
Connection
Is the energy that exists between human beings when one feels seen, heard and valued, when there is a sense of giving and receiving without judgment, and the ability to gain sustenance and strength from the relationship. This energy of connection between people must be in a giving and receiving pattern, travelling in both directions. It is literally wired in our DNA to connect with others; from birth the desire to connect is apparent for us to thrive emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually.
In today’s society we need to be weary of the false sense of connections made through technology. We now live in a society that is more communicative then ever but that does not necessarily mean that we are truly connected – to feel heard, seen and valued. And lastly, one of the greatest barriers of connection is never reaching out for help when we need it ourselves.
Without judgment, take a moment to assess how wholeheartedly you are living your life, reviewing how you can incorporate courage, compassion and connection into your day-to-day life.
Keep on shining bright,
Dr. Julie
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